Networking is all about relationships, and the benefits come from the give and take between the people in those relationships.

If you've paid any attention to this blog, or really any writing about networking you know that one of the key and most important ingredients is giving. Many refer to the benefits derived from networking as "Givers Gain." I'm here to tell you that giving is critically important, but that's not really the point of this post. Instead based on a variety of recent experiences I think it would be more valuable for me to spend some time talking about the "take" side of the give AND take equation.

Through feedback and conversations from our first NetStorming event it is very evident that the biggest challenge most networkers have is the "take." They want to benefit from their networking efforts, but they don't want to offend anyone, and they don't want to seem greedy. So how do you go from being a good giving networker to making sure that you gain the things that you want?

I believe the key is the ask. It's really hard to get (or take) what you want from networking without asking for it. What you're looking for in your networking efforts may be obvious to you, but it's not always obvious to others. Even when it is obvious, for example you're looking for new clients or a new job, the specifics may not be as evident as you think. I know lots of bankers, and generally it's pretty obvious what a banker is looking for right? In reality it's not. Are they looking for deposits? From what size company? Merchant accounts? New Loans? On what? Real Estate, receivables, lines of credit, or some other facilities? There are probably 100 different things they could be looking for. If they were to ask for all of them they would likely get none of them. If instead they were to ask very specifically it's much more likely that someone will be able to help them find what they're looking for. Everyone has and uses money. It's important to narrow the request down so much that it brings a small handful of people to the top of mind. Only then can an introduction be made.

Don't make somebody else do all of the work. Ask specifically for what you know someone can or should be able to deliver. The best ask or request should take the person you're asking no more than 5 minutes to do for you. Here are a couple of examples:

• Ask someone for one or two introductions. Name the person that you want them to introduce you to and why. Now, if they're willing, all they have to do is send a quick e-mail or make a phone call.
• Request a testimonial from someone, but do most of the work for them. At least suggest a couple of items they can highlight. Now all they have to do is write around your suggestions.
• Ask someone for advice, but be so specific that follow-up questions aren't necessary. Now all they have to do is quickly answer your question.

In our NetStorming format many people struggle to clearly define what they're asking for. This causes the rest of their time to be spent by people asking follow-up questions rather than providing advice, guidance and/or introductions. The better you can definte your need or question the more likely you are to get what you're looking for.

Finally, there's a big difference between asking and demanding. When you ask someone for something you should never expect them to help you. You're simply providing them with the opportunity to help (which many of us love). Many times they'll be able to help, but sometimes they won't. Do not expect or worse yet demand that they help you. Even if you've done a huge favor for someone, it's unfair to expect them to return that favor. This creates a toxic networking environment. You may never know why someone can't or won't help you. It's ok, it's just part of the process. Simply move on and ask someone else, and don't be afraid to ask that person for help again. It's possible it was just the specific request you made that they weren't able to help with, or it could have just been bad timing.

Help your fellow networkers help you. Ask them clearly and concisely for something that they can do for you in just a few minutes. Afterall, wouldn't it be much easier to help them if they did the same for you?

Happy Networking!

Scott Ingram
NetworkInAustin.com